Welcome To My Life
by Aeramus
Summary: One-Shot Songfic. Just a short little something that popped into my head. Harry's thoughts after Sirius's death and the talk with Dumbledore. Takes place during the lake scene at the end of Ootp.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything that looks familiar. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and the song, 'Welcome to my Life' belongs to Simple Plan and all the companies affiliated with them. The only thing I claim is the little tiny plot bunny that popped into my head…in fact, I adopted him and named him Steve.

_**Welcome to my Life**_

"He sat there for a long time, gazing out at the water, trying not to think about his godfather or to remember that it was directly across from here, on the opposite bank, that Sirius had collapsed trying to fend off a hundred dementors….

The sun had fallen before he realized that he was cold. He got up and returned to the castle, wiping his face on his sleeve as he went."

-_Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_, Page 856 –

American Version

Harry walked across the Hogwarts grounds, ignoring other students' calls and avoiding their gazes. They were all trying to get his attention, to ask him questions about what had _really _happened at the Ministry. He wished they'd all just disappear.

He walked slowly around a part of the lake before settling himself behind some shrubs so as to be invisible to any passersby. Harry brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around his legs. He looked out over the glassy surface of the lake and let out a deep, shuddering sigh; he could feel the tears gathering in his eyes.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?_

_Do you ever feel out of place?_

_Like, somehow, you just don't belong_

_And no one understands you?_

_Do you ever wanna run away?_

_Do you lock yourself in your room?_

_With the radio on, turned up so loud_

_That no one hears you screamin'?_

He stared directly across the water to the spot on the opposite bank where Sirius and he had almost been kissed by dementors. He remembered how he had, along with Hermione, rescued his godfather from the Ministry's clutches. He recalled the trip to Hogsmeade last year when they had walked all the way to the end of the village to see Sirius in his secluded cave…how he told them that he had had to eat rats because he couldn't get proper meals.

They empty void in the pit of Harry's stomach grew suddenly larger as the tears began to roll down his cheeks. Sirius had risked everything – his own comfort, safety and freedom for him, Harry. The void now started to fill with guilt. It was ultimately his fault that his godfather was gone…would he ever be able to feel happy again?

_No, you don't know what its like,_

_When nothing feels all right,_

_You don't know what it's like_

_To be like me_

_To be hurt, to feel lost,_

_To be left out in the dark,_

_To be kicked when you're down,_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

But somewhere out of the guilt rose a sliver of self-pity. Why did everything always happen to him? Why did he have to lose the people closest to him…why did _he _have to be the one to destroy Voldemort?

Harry's mind wandered to the prophecy and everything that Dumbledore had told him. It was kill or be killed. There wasn't any other option. He, Harry, would have to _murder _someone if the wizarding world was to be saved. And yet, though Harry was slightly angry, he couldn't seem to muster any strong sense of fear. He looked around him at the world that was so calm and peaceful and listened to the care-free laughter of students.

Slowly, all of his mixed emotions faded back into the now-familiar empty void. Without the other thoughts to distract him, the giant wall of depression hit Harry all over again. The tears that had momentarily stopped at the thought of the prophecy began to flow once again from his emerald eyes…he needed Sirius.

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No, you don't know what its like;_

_Welcome to my life_

_Do you wanna be somebody else?_

_Are you sick of feeling so left out?_

_Are you desperate to find something more_

_Before your life is over?_

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_

_Are you sick of everyone around_

_With their big, fake smiles and stupid lies_

_While deep inside you're bleeding?_

He needed Sirius so bad; at least _he _spoke his mind and knew how to make Harry feel better. Everyone around him would either try not to mention Sirius and look at Harry cautiously when he _was _brought up or try to get him to talk about it and attempt to comfort him.

Harry was getting frustrated with everyone and everything. When he was with his friends, he wanted them all to just go away but when he was alone he wanted someone there next to him. He couldn't take it anymore…'why'd you have to go, Sirius?'

_No, you don't know what its like,_

_When nothing feels all right,_

_You don't know what its like_

_To be like me_

_To be hurt, to feel lost,_

_To be left out in the dark,_

_To be kicked when you're down,_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No, you don't know what its like;_

_Welcome to my life_

Harry sighed shakily and raised a hand to wipe the tears from his face, only to be replaced be new ones. He tried again before the tears fell even harder and a sob escaped his burning throat.

_No one ever lied straight to your face,_

_And no one ever stabbed you in the back,_

_You might think I'm happy_

_But I'm not gonna be okay_

_Everybody always gave you what you wanted;_

_You never had to work, it was always there_

_You don't know what it's like, what it's like…_

_To be hurt, to feel lost,_

_To be left out in the dark,_

_To be kicked when you're down,_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

Every memory of Sirius that Harry possessed flooded into his mind's eye. They flashed by so fast…Harry hugged himself tighter.

_To be on the edge of breaking down,_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No you don't know what it's like…_

_To be hurt, to feel lost,_

_To be left out in the dark,_

_To be kicked when you're down_

_To feel like you've been pushed around_

_To be on the edge of breaking down_

_And no one's there to save you_

_No you don't know what its like;_

_Welcome to my life_

Slowly, all the tears leaked out of him, leaving nothing but clear tracks down the sides of Harry's face. He let go of his knees and unfolded his legs, looking up at the sunny sky. He didn't know how the world could go on around him…it was like nothing had even happened. Harry longed to feel that kind of bliss, that kind of freedom. But Harry doubted he would ever have that.

Harry suddenly noticed he was cold and decided to head back up to the castle. He stood up on shaky legs and dusted himself off. He wiped the remains of the tears off of his face as he walked back around the lake, thinking about the upcoming summer at the Dursleys and how much harder it would be….

_Welcome to my life…_

_Welcome to my life._

A/N: Sorry, this was just something I had to write to get it out of my system. I don't think it turned out like I wanted it to sound but, c'est la vie!


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